Thursday, September 8, 2011
Why I don't Always Listen to God
I'm not sure if you speak with the Lord like I do, but lately I haven't wanted to listen. I try and be transparent here so that the Lord can work through me, so here I go! Reason one, I am scared. Afraid that what He is calling me to do or say is bigger than me and the idea of me doing something out of my comfort zone is a little much sometimes. To get over that I think about friends on the mission field and family serving God in a way that is way bigger than stepping up and following Him in my own little world. Two, I don't want to! Wow, sometime my selfishness hits me like a ton of bricks and I am taken back by how much I am truly blessed and how much I have to give. Third reason, my past can get in the way. This one is almost twofold. By seeing how I missed His calling previously and wishing I could correct it but also guilt that holds onto me that I allow to be thrown in my face. I am not proud of the fact that I have a laundry list of jobs. While I have acquired many skills I also haven't ever stuck with anything for to long. Lastly, I don't think people will understand. There are days when the Lord will tug at your heartstrings and tell you that the person across the room needs to hear of His love and that may feel overwhelming or even embarrassing! I have done it and you walk up slowly, dragging your feet. You look away and scratch your head and try to guess how crazy you think you look. But, obeying the gentle whisper of our Father is worth it! This week I finally gave up and listened to Him. Most of you know I have been cleaning at the church but the past few weeks He has laid it on my heart to truly commit to being a stay at home and focusing more on Big and Little and my house. (It's gotten kinda out of control around here!) So last night, I turned in my notice and I feel such at peace. I listened to Him and I believe that He blesses us when we follow His leading. It maybe in huge ways by Matt getting a job blessing or maybe that Big remembers all the extra time I spend with her and never questions my love and commitment to her. This is my calling and for that I am grateful. Listen to Him and know that His blessings outnumber any fear or embarrassment you may have.